Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Being A Step-Parent

So yeah, I'm a Step-Mom. I've been Stepping now for going on 7 years. I can tell you, its not an easy responsiblity. I love the child with all my heart and was so estatically Happy when we were granted custodial custody of her, meaning she came to live with my Prince Charming and me. I had grandiose plans, she and I were going to be best of friends, like my dear mother and I are, we were going to do girlie things together. Well those grandiose plans were soon dashed and have been replaced with just getting along. She is a Daddy's girl. They have a relationship that is very strong and well sometimes overshadows my relationship with my Prince Charming. I am a weak person and find myself at times feeling the nasty feeling of jealousy. I fight it and tell myself I'm a dork, and shouldn't feel this way, she's a child after all, I am the wife. But the ugly beast rears its head on occaision, and I sequester myself away in my room, to read my self in solace. But I do still love the child with all my heart. She reached the pre-tweens at age 9, and is still afflicted with the apathetic and laziness that inhabits many children of this awkward age. She is a wonderfully gifted scholarly child, she excells in school, which is a nice thing. She is a little awkward in her social graces, and has not a care what she wears.
Plaid and polka dots anyone?
But now I have an alli in my camp, her Mother. After the initial growing pains of having to deal with the Mother, and acting as the liasion between my Prince Charming and the person that he considered the Wicked Witch of ALL. She and I have calmed our silliness down, and have a common goal now...the Child. She is our focus, our hope and a might source for much laughter. The Mother and I are nearly friends. It drives the Child nuts to know that she can no longer use guilt or anger with The Mother or with Me. We talk often through email and on the phone and share experiences with the Child. The Mother has done serious damage control on my behalf. And we know the "Truth" behind the fantastical stories that the Child creates to wreck mischief. It is a huge relief to me that The Mother has seen the Child in her real light and knows that I am not a Wicked Stepmother, that is often portrayed in animated films. But that I do honestly have the Child's welfare and interest in heart and mind.
So to all the Stepping Mothers out there, take heart, the fight is long and hard, but worth it. If you can create an Ally in the MOTHER, you can be a united front and be a secure haven for the Child, no matter where she might be heading.

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